Forgiveness, The myth

There is nothing wrong with the concept of forgiveness as such ,what does matter is the energy behind act of forgiveness.

There are two ideas that we need to wrestle with here.

The first is the one expressed in the short story of “The Little Soul” ( you can Google this – wish I had written it and I didn’t) which says that whatever is done to us by someone is done by that person as a support to enable us to achieve whatever we want to achieve in this life. So if you want to experience what it is to forgive then someone has to agree to do something to you so that you can forgive them! From this comes that idea that nothing bad can EVER happen to us! This is not as extraordinary as it sounds. If you work with the idea that whatever happens to us has value or, put differently, is an opportunity for us to learn something, then whatever happens is not some random event. Someone had to do that thing to us – consciously – so that we could have the experience that we have. We can of course hold tight to the 4F syndrome (remember?) and I am not sure of where that leaves us, except at the bottom of a very deep hole. For me the ideas expressed in “The Little Soul” make more than sense.

The second is this.  If nothing bad can ever happen to us then what can there be to forgive? What we need to do is ACCEPT both what happened to us and also the value of the person who caused what happened.

It is our ATTITUDE to what happens that makes it bad not the happening itself.

What we are usually saying when we forgive someone in the traditional way implies that we feel that they are bad or less in some way or another and that they will not really be able to function without our sanction or what we call “forgiveness”.  It gives us what can only be called a perverted sense of “power over”. In a very real sense we take our sense of our own lack of worth or powerlessness and dump it on them. Not very attractive!

Perhaps what we should be doing when someone does something to us which appears to require our “forgiveness” for their “badness” is simply send them flowers (I prefer chocolates!)and thank them for the opportunity they have given us to learn something about ourselves.

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