When Abuse is not Abuse
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This was written as a reply to the letter I received above. I believe what is said could be of service to many men and women out there. I look forward to your comments.
WHEN ABUSE IS NOT ABUSE
Hmmm and obviously this is the way it was meant to come out – so that we have to do it via writing. All survivors come to the crash and burn point – and then survive it. Literally “to live above or beyond”.
There is a very important point here that during the childhood years you saw nothing really wrong in what was going on and looked at from a purely logical point of view what was wrong with it? The custom of the child bride is worldwide. Still today we worship the pre-pubescent body. Our women must be hairless and smooth all over and even the male homosexual falls into this trap. None of our adult odours are acceptable. More than odd, it is downright peculiar!
Also be careful of condemning what you call the “whore principal”. There is nothing wrong with the whore except in so far as we make it wrong. In many previous times the whore was an integral part of society and the story of the “temple prostitute “is well known. Despite the best efforts of the church to denigrate and down play their role, those women were honoured members of society and were educated to a degree far beyond that offered to the ordinary girl. It can be argued with some force that even today a great number of women operate with this principal as they set out “catch their man” and succeed in making a “good catch”. Even female apes – our closest cousins - offer themselves in return for protection and other treats. It appears to be part of the female manipulative bag of tricks. Get away from the myth of the “innocence” of the child. Innocent we are not. We lack practical experience and this does not by the wildest stretch of the imagination make us innocent. We are both cunning and manipulative to a degree. We have to be for our survival. The way in which we manipulate our parents is really quite shocking and quite amoral. Please note, not “immoral”,”amoral”! We will do anything to survive. We will even tell them at a very young age that “I love you” when there is not the slightest chance whatsoever that we have the faintest idea of what that actually means (do we EVER!!??). What we do know is that they like it and it gets us a very pleasant result indeed – usually. Know this. Those people took nothing from you. It was - especially as we approach the higher or next level of our development - only when you started to approach the age of puberty and you in all innocence i.e. without a full realisation of the possible consequences - took a stand, and said “Enough!” as we are fully entitled to do about anything, that the shit the hit the fan. The real disaster was your parent’s reaction. It was they who made you feel dirty and all the rest. Until that time you had NOT been doing anything either dirty or wrong.
Quite what your grandfather, poor sod, was living with must have been indescribable. And that does not make what he did acceptable any more than it is acceptable to drink a bottle of brandy a day or indulge any other excessive appetite. There are few if any problem children and many, many problem parents for all the reasons we have discussed many times. Ignorance and laziness being the main ones. Ignorance because we have no idea of what it means to be a human being, simply because nobody ever took the trouble to teach us, and laziness because very, very few of us make even just a tiny little effort to find out what it is all about. I wonder what your grandfather went through in HIS childhood for truly the sins of the father are visited on the sons. Wish him in Hell? You have better things to do with your energy than attempting to push him there. He will have done that quite well all on his own without needing any assistance from you! Again not because of what he did but because he went against your free will and this we may never do without paying a huge price.
With your own level of ignorance – your parents taught you squat – what chance did you have except to follow the path you have – so far? And now it is time to change direction. What your grandfather did is almost irrelevant and it can be argued with some force that you are who you because of what he did! Again this does not make it acceptable. The real monsters in the cupboard are those who failed in their manifest duty to support your taking a stand at the Sunday lunch table.
The memories will always be there and you can draw strength from them. They have contributed in no small measure to who you are. The power is always in the dark. The hook that you are on is your own. Time to get off it and “let the dead bury the dead”. You need no Hail Mary’s from me. Abyss? Good god girl that is no option for one as fine as you! To continue looking at the events of your life as awful or evil is you writing off your life and you simply may not do that without there being a huge price. Could you have gotten to where you are by some other route and not this one? Perhaps and you chose not to. Enough.
Posted on June 2nd, 2009 by christopher
Filed under: Uncategorized
I am interested in this topic mainly because I am interested in containing the most polarised energies to myself within myself, if that makes any sense. Perhap it would be simpler to say in the interests of developing compassion.
I am really interested to know what makes men do this kind of thing? Is it because they believe that no one who has a choice will be keen on having sex with them? I find men to be teribly silent on these matters as though they absolutely cannot identify which I find odd since I can identify with all the weird and wonderful behaviours I see in other women.
Something came up for me when I was reading the first post but first I would like to say to the woman concerned that I am sorry that you had to go through this.
In the post you mention that you have an aversion to getting your hands dirty from that early memory and later you say you didn’t think it was wrong but you still blurted it out at Sunday lunch. When you said it didn’t feel wrong did you mean that you felt you were being fairly compensated by the rewards … the whore complex you spoke of? Was it that you felt violated but you held the belief that it was an adults right to violate you. It is my understanding that children take abuse as a valid expression of love.
As for the temple whore certainly by the time classical greece came around she had already sufferred a terrible downgrade from her status in the neolithic where she was the mystic in the temple and communed with whomever requested her audience in whatever way she felt appropriate. She certainly would allow herself to be violated for trinckets.
The mark of your ignorance is your belief in injustice and tradegy. What the catapillar calls the end of the world the master calls a butterfly.
and finally
There is no good or bad, but thinking makes it so.
WE ARE ALL FREE TO DO WHAT EVER WE WANT TO DO.
I have learnt from my similar story that, in no possible way, would I be what and who I am today without the horror and pain that I have gone through. And I would have it no other way. If you didn’t learn something then you missed why you bought yourself here.